The book you're after turns out to be on the bottom shelf. You squat down, read the blurb on the back cover, and before you know it you're on the first page. Suddenly the air-con is blowing on your lower back. The back of your pants has slid down, and your T-shirt has ridden up with it. Whoever walks past behind you pretends to be busy browsing the comics.
The moment you stand up, your hands get to work hitching up your pants and smoothing down your T-shirt. In a single afternoon, this little routine can play out a dozen times or more. So if you're not sure what to wear to a bookstore, start with your pants.
What Happens to Your Pants When You Squat at the Shelf
When you squat, your knees push the fabric forward and your thighs fill almost all the room inside your pants. The fabric over your backside gets pulled along, so the back of the waistband drops. Pants that are too tight fight every one of those movements: your thighs feel squeezed and the waistband presses into your stomach.
The real test comes when you stand back up. Stiff fabric doesn't spring back into shape right away, and you have to tug the back of the waistband up by hand. Once or twice is no big deal. Before long, though, you're paying more attention to your pants than to the books.
The Rule: Stand Up Without Fixing a Thing
Choosing pants for a bookstore comes down to one rule. When you stand up from a squat, nothing should need fixing.
You can test this at home before you head out, or in the fitting room before you buy. Squat as if you're reading the titles on the bottom shelf. Hold it for about as long as it takes to read one blurb, then stand up. Repeat a few times. If the pants fall neatly back into place on their own, they pass.
If they fail, notice which part needed fixing. If the back of the waistband slips down, you need one that stretches with you, or pants that sit higher on your waist. If your thighs feel squeezed, look for a roomier cut. Creases at the knee that won't drop out are usually down to the fabric.
Comfortable Pants for Squatting and Standing Back Up
A regular cut is usually the safe middle ground. The Regular Comfort in khaki, for example, is neither too tight nor too loose. The pleats at the front give you extra room at the hips, and the back of the waistband is elasticated. The fabric resists wrinkles, so the creases behind your knees don't follow you to the checkout.
If you prefer cotton, the Chino Workpant in dark grey uses a twill weave with a little stretch fibre blended in. The fabric stretches as your knees bend and returns to its original shape once you stand up.
For a truly laid-back day, there are the black wide-leg pants, with elastic and a drawstring at the waist. The fabric stretches in every direction, so your waist and thighs both have room to move.
Tops and Shoes Follow the Same Rule
Your T-shirt or polo should be long enough to keep the waistband covered when you bend over. A tucked-in shirt usually gets pulled loose too, so pick one that looks right untucked. For shoes, look for a pair that bends easily at the front, like sneakers with flexible soles. Stiff leather shoes will press on your toes every time you squat.
That way, you can finish reading the blurb on the bottom shelf without the air-con chilling your back.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I wear jeans to a bookstore?
Yes, as long as they've softened up and aren't tight through the thighs. New jeans that are still stiff are usually the biggest hassle when you have to squat again and again.
Is it OK to wear shorts to a bookstore?
It is, especially on a relaxed weekend. But if you like sitting on the aisle floor while you read, long pants are more comfortable because your legs aren't touching the floor directly.
Should I dress up for a bookstore date?
Only a little smarter than usual, say a polo or a short-sleeved shirt. Stick with pants that are comfortable to squat in, though, because you'll both spend a lot of time bending down in front of the same shelves.
Mall bookstores are often cold. Do I need a jacket?
A light shirt worn open over a T-shirt is usually enough. A thick jacket just gets in the way when you bend down, especially when you're already holding a few books.
Why do my pants bag at the knees after a lot of squatting?
Cotton without any stretch fibre gets stretched each time your knee bends, but it doesn't always spring all the way back. The shape usually returns once the pants are washed.